Divorce -10 Things to Avoid Doing
Avoiding Common Behavioral Mistakes During Your Divorce Process
Divorce is a complicated matter, even if things go well. Being self-aware and conscientious about yor behaviors during your divorce process can serve you well. Read this article to learn more about avoiding common behavioral mistakes people make while getting a divorce.
It’s worth emphasizing that exercising a good degree of self control does more than keep you out of trouble. Imagine doing or saying something senseless and your lawyer then has to spend several hours dealing with the fallout. Being mindful avoids making things more difficult for your divorce lawyer, which usually means you avoid unnecessary increases to lawyer fees.
After your decision to divorce, you are more than likely riddled with an overwhelming assortment of emotions. You might feel disrespected, abandoned, slighted, cheated, and a whole other hodgepodge of emotions that can leave you feeling restless, spiteful and retaliatory. This constant mental and emotional pressure could soon take a toll on your judgment. In your haste to get back at your estranged wife or husband, you might say and do some things that can hurt you, your children, and your soon-to-be ex-spouse for the rest of your lives. Lashing out at your ex might give you instant gratification. However, the ramifications of your actions could leave you without custody of your children, behind bars, or publicly ostracized from formerly favorable personal and professional circles. Do not let your life remain in disarray due to a passing life circumstance. Take control of the situation now and learn the 10 things to never do during an uncontested divorce to save your reputation, your freedom, and your relationship with your children.
1)Do Not Verbally Threaten or Physically AttackWhen the love of your life is walking away and never coming back, it can feel like the only thing that will make you feel better is threatening him or her with physical harm. Do not do it. While you might think that words are just words, the law declares otherwise. Afew words blurted in anger could be misconstrued by your spouse, and then made out to be a threat of bodily harm. In fact, such a comment could land you in jail. It can also cause a judge to deem that you are an unfit parent who should not have custody of your children. If you actually inflict physical harm, you could go to prison as well as lose your children. Remind yourself every day throughout the uncontested divorce to not verbally threaten or physically attack your spouse. If you do, you have everything to lose and absolutely nothing to gain.
2)Never Contemplate Engaging in Illegal Activities
Now that you have conditioned yourself to avoid threatening words and physically harmful actions, it is time to elevate your mental state one step further. You might have assets you do not want your spouse to gain access to during your divorce. You might also think it will be easy to hide those assets. Do not do it. Assets gained during your marriage are often your spouse’s assets, also. Hiding them from your lawyer is a crime. Fess up to the assets, cut your losses, and move on. This is only a minor setback. You will obtain more money and possessions throughout your life. Don’t let it cost you even more money, or your physical freedom.
Additionally, though rarely spoken of openly, some people try to make false assertions of child molestation or abuse to receive sole custody of their children. These outrageous lies can severely damage the reputation of your spouse, and could have him or her wrongly imprisoned. If thoughts of lying about the moral behavior of your spouse come to mind, immediately dispel them. When the truth comes to light, you will ultimately only hurt yourself and your children with your malicious lies.
3)Do Not Stalk Your Spouse
You might not have been the one to let go of your marriage. You might still love your spouse, and want to reconcile as soon as possible. However, if your spouse does not feel the same way, you might feel that all he or she needs is a little convincing. You might think that visiting his or her home without permission, or dropping by the bars, restaurants or sporting venues he or she visits is a good way to get them to fall in love with you again. Furthermore, in your desperation, you might believe that contacting your spouse’s coworkers and friends to plead your reconciliation case is a good idea. None of these ideas are good ideas. In fact, they are all different facets of one very, very bad action: stalking. Stalking is an unacceptable activity that can land you in jail, jeopardize your child custody case, and tarnish your reputation in your community. Take the high road now and do not harass your spouse.
4)Do Not Freely Give Out Excessive Verbal or Written Information
You will undoubtedly need to call your spouse to tell him or her about doctor’s appointments, child visitation confirmation, parent/teacher conferences and other important things as they arise. When you have to leave a voice mail or send an email, be very brief and factual in your correspondence. Saying more than you should can entice your spouse to twist your words against you, and make you look like you are doing wrongful things when you are not. Remember, you are getting a divorce. You are no longer together. You only owe your spouse the basic information he or she needs to continue to be a good parent to your child. Anything else you say could be used to hurt you emotionally or financially.
5)Do Not Criticize Your Spouse in Front of Your Children
Your love for your spouse might now be replaced with only hate. This is a natural part of the healing process that eventually passes for most divorced people who at least rekindle a cordial friendship for the sake of their children. Do not let your temporary hateful feelings allow you to criticize your spouse in front of your children. Do not think for a second that your children will love you more if you tell them all of the horrible things your spouse has done to you. They will not. They will only resent you for trying to turn them against the parent they love and trust. You cannot buy your children’s loyalty by trashing your spouse. However, you can earn your children’s loyalty by allowing them to hear only good things about their other parent, and by being totally supportive of their loving relationship with him or her.
6)Do Not Destroy Your Spouse’s Property
Your spouse might have left some of his or her personal belongings behind when he or she left the family home. In your anger, you might want to destroy them to get back at him or her. Do not do it. Destroying your spouse’s personal property makes you look like an out-of-control person that harms other people’s property during spiteful fits. Performing these actions can only hurt the child custody and property division aspects of your uncontested divorce. Remember that destroying your spouse’s family heirlooms will only take away what is rightfully your children’s future property. Ask your spouse to pick up any left-behind items immediately to help you remove any thoughts about destroying them from your mind.
7)Only Speak to Your Spouse When it is Truly Necessary
Your spouse was arguably your best friend throughout the course of your courtship and marriage. While you might not want to remain married, you might deeply miss your friend. You might want to call him or her to talk about work or personal matters. Resist this temptation, and let your friendship with your spouse fade from your life. During your uncontested divorce, only call your spouse when it is truly necessary. Keep each conversation cordial, short and to the point. Talking to your estranged spouse during divorce proceedings can lead to arguments, and the saying of things that you cannot take back. These seemingly innocent remarks could be turned around to hurt you during the divorce negotiations.
8)Never Let Your Behavior Be Misrepresented as Severe Instability
After your separation, you might want to let loose a bit and have fun with your friends. You might feel that since you are going through a difficult time, you are entitled to a little partying. However, your incessant drinking, or asking friends for their prescription pills to help you unwind, can make you look unstable and out-of-control. If your behavior is divulged to your spouse’s lawyer, he or she might develop an unfit parent case against you. Furthermore, your disorderly behavior could get you arrested. If that happens, you will have a hard time explaining to a judge that you were just having a fun night out, and do not actually have a drinking or drug problem.
9)Remember That You Are Getting Divorced, Not Engaging in Battle
Oftentimes, divorcing couples forget that the purpose of a divorce is to legally separate with a solid child custody and property division agreement. These couples mistakenly fall into the trap of thinking that a divorce is a way to mentally and physically hurt their spouse as much as they possibly can. Do not let yourself fall into this trap. Keep your eye on the final objective, which is to leave the marriage with the honor and dignity of each person involved in tact. Ultimately, fighting serves no positive purposes, and can only harm your emotional health. A divorce is not a fight. A divorce is a permanent decision to move on with your life so that you can find the happiness in life, and future partner, that you truly deserve.
10)Remember That One Day Your Divorce Will Be Over, and Your Life Will Go On
While your life might appear to be over throughout your divorce, it is not. In time, you will no longer feel hurt and angry. You will find a new love interest, new hobbies to enjoy, new ways to celebrate the holidays, and surprising new ways to fall in love with life again. Throughout your uncontested divorce, when you feel like all is lost, remember that this is only a temporary situation in your life that will ultimately help you find out who you really are. In no time at all, you will probably find, as many others do, that this divorce ultimately left you better off than you could ever imagine.
While my friend tries to look for an uncontested divorce attorney who’s skilled enough to defend her case and custody, I’m helping her get through her day without losing it. I’m so thankful for your advice about not letting your hateful feelings towards your spouse be expressed verbally in front of your kids because they might end up resenting you. I will surely share this with her to let her know what to not do during the process of her divorce.